The window next to my front door is always covered in nose prints. If you have read my earlier post, you will know that my dog, Scout, is always very concerned by what is happening on the other side of the door and the evidence of his curiosity (some would say obsession) is always very apparent on the windowpane. So I often find myself cleaning this window. I spray it down and clear away the doggy nose prints so I can see out the glass again. It looks good, sparkly and clean, transparent for about thirty minutes. Sometimes I think, why do I bother? This window will always be smudged. Yet, if I don’t keep up on this task, it will get worse and worse, layer upon layer, until my natural chemical-free cleaner won’t do the trick and I might have to bust out a stronger version to cut through the grime.

One day, as I polished the window—yet again, I was struck with how this window is like me. I get smudged and tainted by life; I can start the day off fairly sparkly, but I leave the house late, forget my phone charger, catch every red light and I already have a layer of grime. It doesn’t take much to mess up a windowpane, but then add that next layer - just one longing look at something I don’t have (in Scout’s case a squirrel) in mine, a book deal or a professional cleaning service - and my view is dirtied. I press my nose to the window and think I need more to be happy. But the reality is that if I had the book deal, then I would want the book to sell well, and if I had a cleaning person, then I would want a cook, which would lead to a gardener (and frankly, I don’t have room for that much staff in my house). In short, it would never be enough.

I have lots of aspirations, and I’m working towards many of them right now. Starting this blog was a dream I had for years. I sat with my nose to the window forever, envisioning my own website, a place to write what was on my heart, things I have learned—little shots of life. It brings me great joy to string words together, to craft them into ideas that can move through the world on their own. I have worked hard to pull it all together, and many people supported me and walked along side me to make it happen. My husband’s unfailing encouragement, my friend, Cordelia, who helped me build the site and ultimately pushed the button to just go live (I would still be trying to make it perfect), my cousin of Lighttighttank has done amazing photo shoots to make my vision come to life and my mom has bestowed her gift of editing and insight on my pieces. And just as important, YOU, my reader (with bonus points for sharing). I spend time praying, thinking, typing, reading and rereading. And, then, I press my nose to the window and I want more. Like all of us, I want to be acknowledged, loved, told I matter and rewarded for my hard work.

Sometimes we send little pieces of ourselves out there and it comes back void. As a writer, I often experience rejection. In the publishing world we have a saying—it’s not rejection, but redirection. I have had lots of “redirection” in my life. How about you? Sometimes instead of pulling back and looking at how far I have come, I look out the window and stare at what I want. The window fogs up and I have a hard time seeing past the condensation. I get in my head and ponder what it is I think I need; what is supposedly keeping me from finding happiness. There will always be another squirrel to chase. And if there is anything I know about squirrels, it’s that there are lots of them. I have a lot of dreams, some are big and exciting and others are small and simple. I want my words to matter on a big scale, but I also want to drink amazing coffee out of beautiful cups. Both these things make me very happy. The first one takes lots of time and patience, where as, the coffee is very obtainable.

I’m doing a project on myself right now, where I really take the time to appreciate my blessings. This means pulling away from the window for a time, to enjoy a homemade scone or marvel that I live in beach town or to simply be enthralled with the slice of heaven that is having hot water on demand. The more I think like this the more my selfishness, envy and self-pity is chased away. It does a good work on my soul to contemplate how very different my life could look like if I had been born in a different time or place, without all the luxuries I so often thoughtlessly enjoy. There is a time to look out the window and dream, but if I do it too much, the window gets covered in longings and what-ifs. Sometimes the door is flung open and we get to run after our hearts’ desires. But just as often the door remains shut and the Lord says this is not for you now, but look at what you have already - '“for with Thee is the fountain of life”. Human nature is so prone to want what we don’t have, to want more instead of less and to think what another has is better than what I have.

I don’t want to fall into the trap of spending all my time staring out the window when life is happening around me. I may not be able to have a weekend getaway with my husband, but we can share small plates on a sunny rooftop bistro in our hometown; after all not everyone has someone special to split a goat cheese crostini with. I spend a lot of time driving my child around to lessons and sports and friends’ houses, but we get a lot of time in the car to pray, we do our best praying in the car. Writing is hard and its doesn’t pay well, but it’s portable, so I can do it from quaint little coffee shops. What could your sentences say about your life, relationships and your faith? Where are you spending time looking for something more, when you are missing all that is right before you?

I want to look out clear windows and see a reflective glass not marred with smudges. As I wipe off my old way of thinking it floats in the air and clings to the surfaces of my life and it has to be swiped away. Just as our bodies are constantly shedding and regenerating, so must our minds be renewed. “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind”. (Rom 12:2a) I no longer need to think I am not enough or my life is not successful because I have too much dog fur floating on my floors or not enough likes on my last post. Happiness, or perhaps a better word, contentment is a tricky thing. There will always be too many squirrels to chase—I want to say, we should enjoy the squirrels we have already, but I had a squirrel in my home once and I did not enjoy it one bit, so the analogy falls apart here—but you get it!

Write about the dreams that keeps you pressed to the window.

What are some small things you can appreciate while chasing the big dreams?

What are some of the lies that keep messing up your mirrors? How can you work to clean those off?

Please share your response on Typeset or any other writing you would like to post. It can always be anonymous - just let me know when you send the email in the submission form..